Latihan Korperat.......

Datuk sedang "stress". Latihan korperat yang dirancang berbulan-bulan, hanya tinggal mungkin. Teringat Datin Wannabee. Hmmmmmm........

Ath-choo......

Dato' Seri Muka and Dato' Bee upset. Dah dua bulan plan. Sebelum bulan puasa, nak last kopek. 4 days 3 nights in Bangkok.

Mula-mula 8 orang nak pergi. Dapat 2 flight. Ngam-ngam. Lepas tu, Dato' Suliman pull out. Project tak jalan. Budget lari. Lagi pun tahun ni, Datin nak tukar langsir baru for raya. Banyak nak pakai duit. Al-maklum, rumah bungalow kat Shah Alam tu besar.

Lepas tu, one by one pull out. Yang tinggal Dato' Seri Muka dengan Dato' Bee. Dato' dato' yang lain kata takut nak pergi Bangkok. Contagion rate for H1N1 kat Thailand 400% kata Dato' Dr. Boy.

Tadi lepas mesyuarat bahagian, Dato' Suliman terserempak dengan Dato' A.

Dato', I dengar you pun pull from Bangkok trip. Apa yang takut sangat dengan H1N1 ni. I lagi takut selsema burung......bila burung selsema, itu baru bahaya.....

Alah Dato' Suliman.....sebenarnya tak pergi bukan takut H1N1.....takut B1N1.....

Ohhh......

Datuk Ori & Tagalog

Weekend baru habis kat club.Lepas tu nak pergi minum kopi.
Orang kekaya panggil latte,orang biasa panggil kopi.
Yalah,kalo kat club minum tak senang.

Kekejap ada saja orang yang mengajak.

Ajak ikut borak
Ajak kena borak
Ajak nego
Ajak urut ego
Ajak ke situ
Ajak ke sini
Ajak begitu
Ajak begini

Macam macam kalo dah kat club.

Tapi dah puas minum kat club,diorang pun ajak minum dekat luar club.
Kita ikut saja.

Datanglah entrepreneur jual DVD.
Dato K pun tanya kalo ada cerita tnb tu...

Naik pelik.
TNB buat filem.
Kalo TV69 tu ada jugak dengar Dato' M buka cerita.

Rupanya Dato K buat lawak
Cari cerita robot yang bunyi macam tender supply TNB
Lawak ori....tapi Dato Pinoy

Dato K meniaga alat eletrik
Beli dari Manila katanya

Mabuhai.....Dato

Ada apa dengan nama.....

Dalam handphone ana ada lebih seribu contacts.....

Yes....ana memang fofuler.....

Nombor Tan Sri ada, nombor Dato Seri ada, nombor Dato ada, nombor kawan kawan ada, nombor datin ada, nomor nomor cewek juga ada......

Ha.....yang nomor last tu, kena covert sikit. Silap datang bulan, Datin buat spot check, habis ana....

So, Suria jadi Suriamurthy lah....newspaper boy ana. Rozana jadi Rozaidi lah.....office boy ana. Elizabeth jadi Zabet lah, Jawa tukang cuci kereta ana dan macam lagi nama samaran.....

Eh....eh....Dato Diablo dengan Dato Seri Muka senyum unta....macam familiar trick tu.....

In transit, in situ & Berry

Hmmmmm. Have been travelling again. I am in a transit lounge in a god-forsaken continent. Waiting for my flight out, not good though (have a feeling I will be back here again)

Lounge is "half-empty", me being satirically pessimistic. Knowing Dato Seri Muka taste (and that of the other dudes and datuks), land of opportunity this is not. Business opportunities is scarce, co-curricular economic activities are virtually non-existent too (based on both empirical evidence and physical existence). Being in a foreign land, there is a sense of escapism - yes....no datin (errr including Wannabee Datins) and fellow datos. However escapism only lasted 24 hours, then reality started to sunk in. Feel so alone!!!! All alone. Worst 3G at times is availaible, most often not. Berry, only available 25% of the time. Thank god, I am flying out soon.

This my fifth tour here, every time I am here reality sinks in after the 25th hour - depression begins thereafter. However beware, by the 72nd hour, hallucination sets in - all you see seems beautiful and gorgeous. The cleaner and receptionist looks like Naomi Campbell, where 72 hours earliers you hardly noticed their presence. Receptionist then is no different than the table lamp at the registration counter. When that happens, it time to leave this god forsaken place!!

On being consistently on the Berry, Datin once gave me an ultimatum, "the Berry or me...........?" Of cause I chose Datin........for not more than 25 minutes. Once she is off, the Berry I hug and remains my company till morning. Tried comparing Berry to Wannabee Datins, none of them, can beat beloved Berry. Remember that charged card ad - "you cant leave home without it". Well I can live without Datin (obviously), Wannabee Datins (nuisances to my existence) but not the Berry. Though I have yet to do the ultimate test between them - Datin, Wanabee Datins and beloved Berry; soon I will.

"BA xxx leaving dreamland for troubleland......" over the PA. Time for me to take leave....till next time datuks and dudes.

Berry Berry Busy

Ahhh.....Dato' Diablo memang busy.....

One day, I pergi lunch dgn Dato. In the middle of business talk, contract million million.....phone dia bunyi. Funny jugak....ring tone Black Eyed Peas! He picked up his Nokia N96. Suddenly he got up and went to a quite corner. Cakap senyum senyum, lemah lembut....

When he comes back I asked him.....

Hai.....lain macam je senyum tu Dato'....

Alah......gefren.....semalam I beli dia netbook baru. Senang dia nak Facebook I. iPhone yang I beli dulu tu, katanya kecik sangat nak Facebook.....

Wah...Dato' ada Facebook account? Terror lah you ni.....

Eishhh Dato' ...... nowadays kalau nak cari gefren muda, kenalah ada Facebook.....

His phone rang again. A different ring tone. Dangdut....

Hmmmphh....apa dia....?
Alah....you suruh ajelah Pak Mat hantar you. I busy ni. Tengah lunch dengan Dato Suliman!
Ok bye.
Eh kejap....malam ni I balik lambat lagi. Ada dinner dgn Dato Seri Muka.

He hangs up his Sony Ericsson which looked strangely dated.

Eh Dato, sapa tu?

Datin....nak ajak gi Habib beli gelang. Duit lagi tu....dia ingat I ada plantation duit ke?

Apasal phone Dato tu nampak macam dari zaman 90'an aje.

Ha tu lah Dato.....phone ni tak de 3G....tak boleh buat video call.....Kalau boleh buat video call, cam ne nak cilok.....

Ha ha ha....

Before my laughter ended a distinctive buzzing came out of his shirt top pocket. He took out his Blackberry. A few taps on the screen and he exclaimed....

Alamak Dato'! Sori, I gotta go lah. Tan Sri panggil.....

He leaves in a huff.....leaving me to settle the bill....yet again....

The Beginning or The End?

Its has been a long day for Dato' Diablo. Behind the scenes, more that what beholds.

Weekend Dato'

Weekend selalu dekat club.
Siang kat club,malam pun kat club.
Ada macam-macam club.

Club golf ada.
Club curut ada
Club nyanyi ada.
Club baring-baring ada.
Club baring borak ada.
Club geli-geli ada.

Susah jadi Dato' sekarang ni.
Banyak club kena pegi.
Maklumlah selalu kena invite.

Kalo dah Dato',you cannot say no.
if you decline,orang kata sombong.
Terpaksalah keluar selalu.

Letih melayan......
Dato' S pun dah call tu!
Ini mesti pasal nak ajak keluar.

Susah nak stay at home kalo dah Dato'.

Golf Lessons

Semalam bumped into Dato M at the Club during lunch. It's been three weeks since he borrowed my other golf set. I was wondering how his lessons were progressing.

Dato....how are you...? Business bagus?? Hari tu dengar dapat contract besar...!!

Eh Dato Suliman.....apo khabar...? Bisnes okay..... Ado lah masuk sikit sikit. Ghembau tu pokan kocik yo....

Ha ha ha....(gelak Dato style...)....eh, how's your golf lessons? Bila boleh pegi main kat Jakarta...?

Eh Dato Suliman.....kek sini pun bulih main yo....ha ha.... Tapi sebonar eh, golf set tu buek acah acah yo. Ese ni tangan bangku. Mano ghoti main gof gof ni ha.... Cam ni sobonar eh Tok....Gof set tu se taghok lam kegheto. Lopeh tu se khobar kek Datin, se nak poi driving range lah, main kek Port Deksen lah. Dapek lah menyelinap tigo ompek jam. Lopeh lah nak poi jumpo Miah, gefren se kat Mont Kiara tu ha.....

Ha ha ha......Dato' ni memang terror.....

Eh tapi jangan lupo. Kono ado spray baju dalam kegheto. Nak balik tu nanti, spray lah ketiak baju dongan air....Nampak lah macam bopoluh....

Eh Dato, satu lagi.....make sure singgah padang yang banyak kemuncup. Jalan sikit so that stokin lekat kemuncup and kasut kotor....ha ha ha....

Ha ha ha......nak poi Jakarta, jangan lupo ajak. Ese dah pro.....

Datukship

June 18th

Yaahuuu!!! Aku dapat Datuk!!!!